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November 19, 2003

Tattoos and Tire Irons

I know a guy who used to be a leg-breaker for a biker gang not unlike the Hell’s Angels. His name was Kim, and growing up with his name may have been a reason why he eventually ended up mixing with a biker group in the first place, whether he’d admit it or not. I was afraid of him. Kim was the guy who let you know if you had crossed their group in some undesirable way. If, perhaps, you owed them money and were overdue on a payment or had scratched the paint job on one of their motorcycles, Kim would find you and remind you with a bat or a tire iron.

I was afraid of Kim because he had tattoos and long hair and a goatee that could be braided if it were in style for bikers to do such a thing. Oh, and I was also afraid of him because he used to hurt people for a living. He wore camouflage cut-off cargo shorts with army boots in the winter because he was tough enough to do it. I don’t remember many of his tattoos specifically, though I know they were all meant to invoke fear or let on that he was no one to be messed with. I do remember some, though. On one hand he had something like the word “PAIN” or “HATE” written across his knuckles. On the other hand he had the letters “FTW.” I won’t say what the first letter stood for, but the last two stood for "The World.” It bothered me that he didn’t care enough to come up with another letter to put on his fourth knuckle. With a little creativity, he could have easily come up with something like “F--- All The World,” though it might have been a nuisance to explain that it was indeed an acronym and that Fat W was not his nickname.
I’m not sure why I gave it so much thought, but it really did give me an unsettling feeling that his last knuckle was left bare. If I had only three knuckles on one hand, I might get OCD tattooed on them. I am fortunate, however, to have all my knuckles.
Around Kim I was intimidated and intrigued all at once. Rough people always catch my eye because I’ve always wanted to be considered intimidating. In high school, all the coolest people were tough in some way. They played football or could drink the most beers at a party. If they were the coolest of the cool, it was only because they could do both. I tried football in 9th grade, but sat the bench for almost an entire season with the exception of a single punt return where I blocked a guy (a very awkward moment in the sun). They called it special teams, but I only felt special in the way that the kids who ride the short bus to school are special.
I tried drinking through most of my high school career and it earned me some acclaim, but not the kind of glory I was looking for. Apparently, passing out drunk in a pool was something they’d all seen before.
I guess I thought I needed to be intimidating because all the people who I thought were cool also intimidated me. So, logically, I continued my pursuit to be cool/scary. I still deal with that pressure today. I get tattoos and cool clothes and feign disinterest when I walk by a group of male peers. All of these are attempts to establish my place in the hierarchy of cool.
Kim had a hard exterior that would make you want to pass by on the other side of the street looking at your shoes until it was safe to turn the corner and run for your life. But not when you looked closely at his face. Looking past the thin, long, graying hair, goatee and road-weathered skin I sensed a countenance of humility and a genuine love for people. Not the kind of love that is making up for lost time as if it were owed, but real love. The kind that makes the most of the moment because they come and go so quickly and there isn’t always time to consider whether or not the recipient is worthy. The product of that attitude is never love even if we decide the person is worth it, because real love is the stuff that proceeds forth from us without reservation. I saw in Kim the kind of love that comes from a grateful heart. Such an enjoyable paradox between his outward appearance and the Light shining from inside could only have a better story behind it. I was not wrong.
It didn’t take more than two minutes in conversation with Kim before I felt comfortable enough around him to ask him questions about his tattoos and if he regretted them or wanted to cover them up. I did brace myself when I asked the question, though, ready to experience firsthand what a tire iron feels like when used like a bat on your face (as if he had one stowed away in some secret weapon compartment concealed by a wooden leg). I fancy myself a good judge of character for the most part, but I am occasionally wrong in my discernment. Nevertheless, I was ready for the worst. Nothing. No tire iron. No cracked skull. Instead, he spoke right up with a well thought out answer as if others had been brave enough to ask such a question before. He told me he would never cover them because they reminded him where he was before he met God. They were constant reminders of what God had rescued him from. While he told his story, I remember wishing I had had a dramatic conversion experience like his.
The part I remember goes like this: All his skull cracking had apparently affected him poorly, and he wasn’t dealing so well with his chosen lifestyle. He had reached the end of his rope one night and sat in his truck in a drunken depression with a shotgun held to his chin, telling God that he would change if only he would get him out of this. He had every intent to end his life that night. He doesn’t remember any details after that. Only that he woke up hung over the next morning with his head propped and resting on the gun, a round imprint of the barrel on his face. He did not forget his promise to God. Kim now serves full time in the ministry somewhere in Arizona (tattoos and all).

The funniest thing about meeting Kim is that he and my mother were pen pals for a while as a result. I can’t remember how exactly they connected. I think he called my home looking for me one night, my mom answered, and they ended up having a long, interesting conversation that led to email addresses being exchanged. It reminded me of that Pepsi Twist commercial where Ozzy Osbourne wakes up in bed with the mom from the Brady Bunch. My mom and Kim weren’t sleeping together; both are happily married. But my mom has hair similar to Mrs. Brady and Kim has hair and tattoos like Ozzy, so it seems like a good comparison. I say that to illustrate that if God can change the heart of a drugged out biker thug to the point that he feels comfortable pen-palling with Mrs. Brady about Jesus and housekeeping, then he can certainly do something in my heart. And as long as this road has seemed so far, I still may have a long way to go. But my God is faithful, so I will be patient and press on.
Paul, in his letter to the church in Philippi, told its members that he prayed for them with joy, being confident that he who began a good work in them would carry it on to completion. So here I am, a work in progress - sometimes moving slowly toward the goal, sometimes growing very quickly - but I'm moving, willing. And as long as that happens, there is hope.

November 10, 2003

What's Fifteen Times Seven?

I made fun of a girl once for being such a sissy after she and her parents had just euthanized their long time family pet. I made jokes about how she ?murdered? her dog and I laughed it off like it was no big deal. I poked fun at her tears and didn?t try to understand. But after what I went through today, I?ll never joke about it again.

The sun was shining today. I guess it always shines, but it?s those darned clouds that always seem to upstage it and block it out. Clouds are like the attention starved kids who fight for your personal space. And rain clouds are the most annoying kid ? the one no one wants to pay any mind to because he?s already trying so hard to be noticed that you don?t want to encourage him by acknowledging his presence. They always jump out in front of the sun and make your day seem miserable. Sometimes I?d rather cut off my own right arm on a sunny day than win the lottery on a rainy day. But then, sometimes I?d take the money, keep my arm and endure the rain.
But the sun was shining today and I was happy for it. Maybe the clouds had remembered to take their Ritalin or landed in detention or, better yet, found a small terrorist country to bother. Either way, I was going to go out and enjoy the day.
I laced up my new running shoes, put on my sweatshirt and running pants, grabbed a quick verse to meditate on, and took off for a brisk run in the cool fall air. My fianc?, Carol, would describe it as the kind of air that is so fresh and clean and rejuvenating that you want to take a drink of it. I ran and prayed and recited my verse for the day. I let my thoughts run on ahead of me. I caught up to them about two tenths of a mile from my house on the way back when my mother pulled up beside me in her car.
?Wanna take Casey to the vet with me?? She had taken a half day off of work to bring our 15 year old family dog to the doctor, and wasn?t looking forward to the experience. It was hard for all of us to see Casey?s condition deteriorating so rapidly, and her old age was taking its toll on her eyesight, hearing, mobility, and worst of all, her bladder control. She?d lay around all day except to pick through her food dish or be let out (or carried out) to go potty. I had had a few years away from her while I was in college and living somewhat nomadically around the country, so I didn?t feel so emotionally connected to her anymore. I think I was the first to suggest she be put down.
?It?ll save a lot of money on carpet cleanings and Dad wouldn?t have to carry her out to go pee every night,? I remember saying just last week. I thought the emotional attachment was gone. But it was there, hidden, and today it came back to reintroduce itself.

It seemed as though we were the only family I knew who didn?t yet have a dog when my brothers and I first started climbing on our dad, begging for a puppy all those years ago. I suppose it was a typical scene straight out of the book of clich? family discussions.
?We prrrrrrroooomise we?ll take care of it,? we lied. ?We?ll feed it every day and take it for walks and give it baths and we?ll do all our chores without complaining for the rest of our lives! Please Dad? Please? Pleeeeease??
He stood his ground longer than we thought he would. ?No. We can?t afford a dog. I?ll end up being the only one who ever feeds her or takes her for walks or pays any attention to her.?
After pleading and begging and kissing feet failed, we decided to pull out the heavy artillery. We would break him somehow. With Mom?s help, we brought her home and plopped her in Dad?s lap.
?Fine,? he grumbled, ?we?ll keep her, but only for a week to see if you keep your end of the bargain!? So Casey became the most well groomed, well exercised, well loved, well fed dog in the country, perhaps the world?for about a week.
But for her last 14 years and 51 weeks on earth, Casey was just another member of the family; often fending for herself at dinnertime, but always well looked after by Dad.
These days, though, she walked painfully and didn?t come running out to greet us in the driveway, barking at the air, showing us how well protected the house was while we were gone. Her tail didn?t even wag when you approached. Maybe she couldn?t see anything but blurry figures anymore. It only made sense with the gray haze that had formed just behind the lens of her eye. She certainly couldn?t hear anything. Her right ear used to stand straight up and her left would always stay lopped over whenever something caught her attention?especially when you said the word ?treat.? I think she might have even known how to spell that word. But not anymore. On the way to the vet, I held out one of her favorite snacks and she only sniffed it. It lay there in the car next to her all the way there.
We guided her in to the lobby and sat her on the scale. Fifteen pounds lighter than last year. Dad met us in the waiting room. He had quit after half a days work, too. The assistant took Casey?s temperature while the vet checked her ears and felt around her abdomen for anything out of the ordinary. He listened to her breathing and made a comment about her heart still being good.
?She?s always had a good heart,? my mom said.
After the formality of a check-up, the doctor said he would need blood work to see what the specific problem might be. ?It could be diabetes or cancer or the beginnings of kidney failure. Do you want us to run the blood work? I mean, we don?t have to. She?s fifteen years old and??
I can imagine as a doctor it?s a touchy subject to bring up euthanasia to a pet owner when the owner hasn?t actually come out and said it yet. What if we had come in that day without ever thinking it was a possibility? Mentioning something like that could be devastating to a family. So I can also imagine he was fairly relieved when my dad wondered out loud if it would be better to just have her put to sleep.
?Yeah, maybe that would be best for her,? he sighed. He asked if that was what we wanted and everyone looked at me for the go ahead. After all, I was the one who was so cavalier about doing this in the first place ? you know, the emotionally detached one? Maybe that?s why I felt like they were looking to me to give the okay.
But I was the first to show any sign of emotion. My eyes were a sheet of glass and talking would definitely give me away. So I nodded, grabbed a Kleenex and walked outside to call Carol and cry. I left a message for Carol, regained my composure, then decided I should go back in and be a man about it. I should be there with Casey for this, I thought.
After the doctor administered a sedative to relax her muscles, Casey?s distant gaze grew fainter as she slowly laid her head down and became totally limp. That was the hardest part of it all. Her last year had proved to be a tough one for her, but she fought hard. Now the anesthesia wouldn?t even let her do that. One final shot slowed her heart rate until it disappeared altogether and it was over. It may have been the second time I had seen my dad cry in 25 years. Like me, he tried hard to hide it, but his shaky voice and red eyes gave him away. Surprisingly, my mom held out until outside in the parking lot where she finally broke down and hugged my dad, sobbing.

I can?t imagine someone being moved by this story. You weren?t there. You didn?t know and love Casey like my family did. My own brothers might not be able to relate totally because they didn?t sit in the room with my parents as we watched the life leave her body. Its almost maddening when I think about people reading this story because I know there will be jerks out there like me, laughing and making jokes, all the while totally detached from the real feelings that came with growing up with a pet like Casey. They may be able to relate experientially, because many people have pets die, but they won?t be able to grieve with me as I am grieving now. And now I sit here typing out his pathetic story with tears streaming down my face and a lump in my throat, sobbing like a baby as if I?d just lost my right arm. But at least it was a sunny day.
-11/10/03

November 8, 2003

Creativity

Choices. We make thousands of them every day. Some we make very consciously, taking time to weigh the options, calculate risks, and estimate outcomes. Others choices, like habit, just happen without much thought. Regardless of the time we spend making a decision, we are held accountable for each of them. Sadly, our creative choices are some that many give little thought to. But with a little focus and direction, we can bring purpose, meaning and value to our creativity.

Creativity is natural for everyone in varying degrees, and we tend to create depending upon what is important to us. I write. Usually lyrics or music, sometimes short stories or essays. Songs and stories are the creative outlets I normally choose, but their content or intended interpretations are what best sum up my priorities. If I am not afraid to be honest or to make myself potentially vulnerable as I create, others can gain a lot of insight as to what my hopes and dreams, doubts and fears are. If I am swayed by jealous motives, deadlines or a paycheck, it could hinder authentic creativity (and that may let on to real priorities anyway). Occasionally, I will misrepresent myself through a lyric or paragraph, but it can usually be traced to a lack of focus or misaligned priority. So, from a distance, all that I create in general says a lot about who I really am and what is really important to me.
A music enthusiast, I quickly fell in love with an album introduced to me last year by an author friend of mine. As I grew impatient waiting for the artist?s next project, I decided to look on the internet for other materials he may have released prior to the album I owned. None were available, but the lyrics to many unreleased songs were offered on several sites. As I browsed the sites, it didn?t take long to see that this artist had a very unhealthy view of women and sex. Nearly every song was laced with some sort of perverted reference to his preferred sexual activities or women?s body parts. The album I owned didn?t give me that impression, but an overall view of his lyrical content including his unreleased (but not unpublished) songs spoke volumes about what was on his mind much of the time.
Today I sat down and watched a movie from a few years back called ?Wag the Dog,? starring Dustin Hoffman, Anne Heche and Robert Deniro. It?s a political film in which the presidential team (Heche and Deniro) hires a Hollywood film producer (Hoffman) to stage a fake war in order to divert attention from a breaking story about the president?s most recent sexual deviation. They successfully complete the task, diverting Americans? attention to the new war and its developments just long enough to regain the president?s approval ratings before the election. Though the film never came out and said it, you could easily tell that its creators had very specific opinions to share about how the government manipulates mainstream media to sway public opinion (meanwhile, Joe Homeowner sits comfortably in the living room of his 2 story house, his 2.3 kids playing in the backyard, his wife cooking dinner, and he watching the 6 o?clock news as if he were reading scripture, never considering how the angle taken on a story can influence his personal stance on the given issue).
The movie had originally interested me back when it was first released, but I didn?t watch it because my mom saw it first at the theater and said it wasn?t any good. I thoroughly enjoyed it today, though, as I watched, enjoying a bowl of macaroni and cheese and some peanut M & M?s. Though I do not claim to be politically minded, those kinds of conspiracy theory movies rarely fail to hold my interest.
All propaganda aside, I am fascinated by creativity, and this world is full of it.
The Food Network isn?t a channel I normally watch, but for some reason my remote control finger got tired one day and gave out on said channel, leaving me to watch a documentary on how prunes are made. Forgive the pun, but I ate it up. Former Double Dare host Marc Somers taught me all about the chronology from seed to plum to prune to old people resting easy in their regularity, and I was captivated by the technology that goes into something as trivial as dried fruit.
At one point in the process, prunes are dumped onto a high speed conveyor belt and ushered under a photographic light meter which reads the color of thousands of prunes per second. The belt, pointed slightly uphill, ends suddenly, pitching the prunes to another high speed ?catcher? belt a few feet away. While the prunes are airborne, another machine shoots tiny puffs of air at the discolored prunes, knocking them out of the air into a bin where they are later collected and discarded or fed to the workers in the factory.
I wrote a song once called ?When the Tables Turn.? Each verse describes a different situation about people in need, and then is followed by a chorus that poses the question, ?Where do you go when the tables turn?? Verse three is my favorite:

Shake, shake, shake goes the coin cup
His eyes too tired to look up
And see your pockets jingle by
But you?re late, late, late and you know
Just where that precious change goes
And you hurry off to lunch before you hear his children cry

The aim of the song is not to make people feel guilty for ignoring beggars on the street, but to encourage people towards compassion and unselfishness. I believe that God has entrusted us with great wealth (both financially and creatively). When I give to someone on the street, I explain that I am giving out of the abundance that God graciously shares with me and, because God trusts me to make right choices with my money, I am extending that trust to them. Then I leave it in God?s hands. And, like me, they are held accountable for the choice they make (if we treat others with respect and dignity, they are more likely to act accordingly).
An obscure musician can spend countless hours weaving words together, laboring over each rhyme and note, crafting verse and chorus to describe his utter infatuation with the female rear end. Like a skilled marionette, Washington can ?leak? false information to the press and lead millions of American puppets to believe whatever they want them to believe, all to avoid owning up to their mistakes. And Sunsweet has technology that can photograph dried plums, select the undesirable ones, calculate the physics of their trajectory and knock them out of the assembly using tiny pin-pointed puffs of air, all in a fraction of a second. The point is that we humans were given an amazing capacity for creativity. As we have seen here, and like any good comic book will tell you, we have a choice to use that power for good or for evil; for personal gain or the benefit of others. But it requires a purposeful choice to use our God-given talents with wisdom and out of a desire to share from his abundance.

Thoughts from Colossians

Colossians 2:1-7 ? ?(1) I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. (2) My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and unified in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, (3) in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. (4) I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. (5) For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. (6) So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, (7) rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Notes:
"I want you to know how much I am struggling for you?? Why would Paul want us to know that? I believe it was Paul who said, ?Follow me as I follow Christ.? Maybe he wants us to know that following Christ is not meant to be an easy jaunt to church every Sunday or an occasional casual prayer that God would send someone in need our way, but that we should be struggling to spread the gospel at all costs (remember, Paul wrote this letter from prison)
?My purpose?? Paul says that his purpose is that everyone be encouraged in heart and unified in love. Why? Because, once that happens, they will gain the full riches of complete understanding. And with complete understanding comes the knowledge of the mystery of God (which, namely, is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge). I understood it best when I worked it backwards. If I want to find all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, I must first know the mystery of God (which is, to be specific, Christ). And I will know Christ more the more I seek to gain complete understanding, which comes from an encouraged heart and unification of God?s church through love. So, like most of Scripture, it all comes down to love.
?I tell you this so that?? Paul told us about his purpose, and explained how we gain understanding, wisdom and knowledge through love so that, when other people come along claiming to have a better way (or even a different way), we will not be swayed or tricked and will be able to stand firm in our faith.
?For though I am absent?I delight to see?? Even though Paul could not be with them, his thoughts were ever with them and he loved hearing about the stand they were taking, by faith, for Christ and the gospel.
?So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord?? How did I receive Christ Jesus? Through faith. And it is only through faith that I can and must continue to live in him.
?Rooted and built up in him?? A tree?s roots are its lifeline and support system. When we root ourselves in anything other than Christ, who is the Giver of life, we are bound to eventually wither and fall (and not bear fruit). We must root ourselves in him so that his life can feed us and build us into the fruit-bearing people he meant us to be.
?Overflowing with thankfulness.? My thankfulness should not just be an internal thing kept between God and myself. It should come pouring out of me and spill over into every area of my life. A thankful attitude is contagious. My cup runneth over.

She Said Yes

Something cool just happened to me. She said yes. I couldn't wait another day to ask her...and I want you to know that I believe with all my heart that it was the right time and that God is in this.

We hiked up to a spot on top of a mountain where we had spent some time in the early part of our relationship just talking. It was the first place where each of us opened up some big doors into our history and our lives. All the way there, Carol confirmed to me that it was the perfect day for a proposal as she told me how special the place was to her and how much she loved me (all the while not knowing I was going to ask her to marry me). We got to the bench at the top of the mountain and sat down. She took another chance to confirm things for me and said, "Wouldn't it be cool if we got married here?" I was laughing inside. Then I asked her if she remembered the penny she had given to me that morning. She did. I held it up and asked her if she'd noticed the date. She hadn't. So I told her to close her eyes and hold out her hand so she could check out the penny for herself. She closed her eyes and I dropped a ring into her hand. "Can I open them?" She did. And her look of surprise and joy and love and wonder and confusion and happiness all at one time was one that I will never forget. So I let her sit there staring at the ring in her hand for a minute or so. Then I got down on my knee and told her I loved her and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I asked to marry me. She said yes. It was ironic to have to walk down the mountain while we were feeling like we were just starting up it...but I had another surprise for her...a party with all her closest friends and family waiting to congratulate her at the home where she worked as a nanny for 2 boys. "Boy, Carol, I'm glad to finally have all that off my chest and all the secrets out in the open. I wasn't sure I'd be able to surprise you. I'm glad I can breathe easy now." I was hoping she wouldn't see the party coming. She didn't. She thought she had to go to work. On the way there, it started to sprinkle and the most complete rainbow either of us had ever seen appeared...a full arch from one side of the horizon to the other. I had never seen a more beautiful rainbow in my life. I teared up as I thought about God's covenant promise with Noah and we both knew that God had put it there for us...a promise to bless us and protect us and use us and direct us if we would only keep him the center in our relationship. You may think its a stretch to think God put that there for us...but only God could put such a thing in the sky...and I believe it was for us. The party was a surprise and icing on the cake to top off the most memorable day of my life to date. God has big plans for us; I know that...but with God's big plans come big attacks from the other side. Please be in prayer for us as we start out in this new part of our life together.